Monday, January 31, 2011
Jason and I have felt for a time now that we need to make the sacrifices and changes in our life that will allow me stay home and take care of our family. I have been thinking a lot about this lately, and I have tried to work through things in my head. I've come to a very clear realization that it doesn't need to make sense in my head, or on paper. More than anything in the whole world I want to be able to make a comfortable, peaceful, environment in our home. I want to be readily available to my children and husband. I want to be the best wife and mother I can be. For many years I have tried to make this happen without being able to give my all to my family. I have fallen short. I've done the best I can, but I have not done it "the Lord's way". I am not as happy anymore. I am stressed all the time, I'm constantly overwhelmed and I can see it effecting my family. I can see it in my actions and in the way I speak to my family. I can see it in my children's actions and in the way they speak to each other and to us. I have failed them and I have failed the Lord. I've questioned and rationalized. Why now? The economy is in the dumps, so many people are looking for jobs...shouldn't I be grateful I have one, and a good paying one at that? Both the kids are in school, why do I need to be there when they aren't? How can I give my children what they want/need if we don't have my income? What about our cars? What if we need to make home repairs? What if Jason gets sick and can't work again? These are all valid questions, but a lot of times "the Lord's way" seems counterintuative. I ask, How can things be better for us if we only have half our income? I can't answer that question; however, I know that we are promised blessings if we choose to do what the Lord asks of us. I have faith that my Heavenly Father will open the windows of Heaven and pour out blessings upon me and my family if we choose to follow His plan. Does this mean it will be easy? Absolutely not! It will take a lot of work, planning, and sacrifice, but I KNOW it WILL be worth it! I love my Heavenly Father and I am grateful that He leads and guides me in this life!